Sunday, August 9, 2009

My Story

Welcome to my Blog. I’m Mirage. I have been married to my Prince Charming for 7 1/2 years. We have a daughter, Miss Chicklet, who will turn 3 in September. She is a ray of sunshine, happy and chatty and starving to learn everything she can about this world. :) Our son Mini-Man (Bug) will be celebrating his first birthday in a few days. He's not walking yet but he COULD... if only he realized it! ;) He's into dropping things and then chanting "Uh-oh!" and eating big sissy's sticker collection or anything else that happens to be in reach of his teeny little fingers.
So much has happened recently I wish I had started to blog sooner! I will have to settle for a 'breif' (okay stop laughing...) summary backtrack...
When I was 5 I was eager to learn, eager to go to school. They would not let me until I was well past 6 years old though due to my birthdate being in December. Having a December birthday was one of the most bemoaned parts of my childhood! It seems when you're born near Christmas, the relatives either forget your birthday altogether, or they commit the ultimate in baddies by saying that your Christmas present/card is "for both." :p
While I was in Kindergarten bored stiff coloring and playing (while wishing I was actually learning something real), my mom was having convictions from God regarding homeschooling. God finally won out and my mom didn't send me back to public school for 1st grade. I was quite happy with the arrangement since I was nothing but bored silly at school. I had two younger siblings who, at least at first, thought they'd missed out though...LOL!
At 8 years old my paternal grandmother gave me my first crochet hook and some yarn - the start of my lifelong love of crochet! Not to mention a severe addiction to yarn.
When I was about 9 years old my dad brought home a baby goat, much to city-girl Mom's annoyance. ;) (Mom grew to love them and became a regular homegrown veterinary herbalist.) This was the start of our farm life and my love of both goats and natural remedies.
At age 11 I found out I had brain cancer. I was healed completely! God used natural methods, I never had chemo. Praise Him! :)
When I was a month shy of my 13th birthday, the family moved to the middle of nowhere. Literally. Out in the mountains and it took half an hour to drive to the nearest town. I found the woods intimidating and didn't venture out much. I started collecting penpals- eighty-something at one time was my record. It kept me busy and really helped my spelling and writing skills! This is when I discovered another one of my life's addictions; stationery. I absolutely adore office supplies. Sharpies and Post-it's, gel pens and notebooks, staplers and White-Out... *sigh* ♥♥♥
I married the man of my dreams at 19 years old. He was 20. He was in the US Navy. We knew each other from Church. Actually I knew he was "the one" when I was 16, just before he enlisted, but we all know men are usually a little slower to recognize their soulmate. ;) For the first 3 years of our marriage I went back and forth from where he was stationed. When he was deployed I would go home to my parents' farm for the 6-9 months until he returned.
In late summer of 2005 his enlistment was up and we moved back to the home state. The jobs aren't exactly plentiful back in Nowheresville though, so we wound up moving 6 hours away from our families, back in the city I spent most of my childhood in, where we got our first goat. While hubby was in the USN we avoided having children because I couldn't bear the thought of our babies not knowing who their daddy was; he was only around for 6 or less months out of the year. After moving back here, the family dynamic was in place but the financial situation was not. He was just starting a brand new job and we were renting a house with severe electrical issues... It just didn't seem to be the right time. But God had other ideas.
Not 4 months after our move to civillian life, I found myself feeling sick and tired all the time. One day I was complaining to my little sister on the phone and she told me, "That's because you're pregnant." I laughed at her of course. We were using protection. I didn't FEEL pregnant... I felt like I had the FLU. Wasn't pregnant supposed to feel all glowy? MORNING sickness was so named for a reason, right? I feel queasy all day. So that weekend I took a test to prove her wrong. I'll bet you've guessed by now who was proven wrong, and it wasn't my sister.
In September of 2006 we welcomed out first child into the world. A beautiful baby girl; sweet Miss Chicklet. In June of 2007 I became pregnant again. I knew I was pregnant and had all the symptoms, but the tests just kept coming out negative. I KNEW it though, no matter what the tests said! I thought of names for him. Then one day I just felt all wrong. Something was wrong. That night I started spotting. Just barely. But something was wrong. I felt hopeless and depressed. I knew the baby was gone. My baby that had never been proven, never showed up on the test, was gone. A few weeks later I got my proof as my body cleaned out. I thought I would bleed to death. I don't know how I managed to take care of my daughter. I was in the most awful pain and the bleeding would not stop. For 6 days I bled so much I could barely stand. I bled so much I could not contain the blood and spent all day in bed or my computer chair crying. I should have gone to the ER but my brain was so hazed from bloodloss I honestly didn't realize I was in danger. Then it stopped. But the pain in my heart did not. For months I was severely depressed. I felt like I was not allowed to mourn because I had never gotten a positive test result. Like nobody would believe me if I told them. So I bottled it up. My husband didn't understand. My heart hurt so bad! Thankfully God sent a friend to chat with me online late one night. She sensed something was wrong and I was so full from months of bottling it up that I told her everything. It just came rushing out. She gave me the courage to speak about it, and the confirmation I needed to be able to grieve for my baby. And grieve I did.
Then my husband informed me he was ready to try for another baby. I had been pushing for it at the time I conceived my lost baby, so when he said he was ready, I pretended to be overjoyed. But inside my heart cried for my lost baby and I prayed God would heal my heart before I got pregnant again so I could give the new baby the love it deserved. And in God's perfect timing, just as the pain in my heart lessened and made room for joy and love again, I found myself pregnant for the third time.
For the first half of the pregnancy there was scare after scare that I would miscarry again. Then for the second half I fought preterm labor. Right up until 37 weeks. Then it stopped. Of course... Mini-Man wound up being 2 days late. It's a good thing he did not come early, although he was large (8 1/2 pounds) he had alot of trouble breathing those first few months. One night I was dreaming he was cold. I dreamt he could not hold his body temperature and I didn't know weather to put him on a heating pad or call 911. Well the dream scared me so I woke up to find my baby curled up between my husband and I, freezing cold despite about 7 blankets on him. I jumped up and this startled him and he stirred in his sleep. I cuddled him closer, nursing him, and got more blankets and he warmed up. One day not long after that, he stopped breathing and turned cold and gray in the swing. Practically gave me a heart attack!!! I had just checked on him, then I was blowing bubbles for my daughter right in front of the swing, and as we were giggling and playing I looked up and my baby looked dead in the swing. He was a pale shade of gray and his fingernails were purple. I grabbed him and he woke up madder than a hornet. He was like ice. I immediately crawled into bed with him and a heating pad under a mountain of blankets and nursed him. By the time he was fed he was toasty again but for the rest of the week I had to bundle him carefully and check on him constantly because he kept starting to go cold again. I of course had him checked out and was told that he's perfectly healthy, that he might have sleep apnea and would probably grow out of it, and that I did precisely the best thing for him by nursing him in bed to get him warm. They asked if I let him sleep in my bed, and when I said yes, they said that's the best way for me to keep him safe when I'm asleep. Like my dream that woke me up, my mother instinct would be able to tell me better if something was wrong with him sleeping with me. I had been going to start having him sleep in the bassinet but after hearing that I decided to postpone it! He did outgrow it; from then on it got better and better and he had no more scary ice cold episodes. Today he is a healthy boy, smiley and wiggley and loud as a 1 year old boy should be! ;)
Well that is my life to date in the 'short' version! Rest assured you'll be subjected to more detailed flashbacks occasionally as I blog! I am eager to celebrate every precious joy in my life with you as I blog. My precious children, precious time with my Creator, precious memories, and precious hopes and dreams for the future! Thank you for taking the time to read my story. :)

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