Last Monthly Prenatal Appointment

I see it's been a week since I updated. Still "on break" from blogging but you may have noticed I popped in on Tuesday for Toddler Tales with pics from our cherry adventure! I figured it was time for a real update. I'll try to pop in for Toddler Tales again on Tuesday the 20th and here's a pregnancy/everything else update smashed all into one post for you in the meantime. Oh and thank you for all the lovely comments on my blog! ♥♥♥ I will get around to responding and/or visiting your blogs back eventually... really! :D I'll at least try my best... and I'll try to do that within the next week so they don't get buried or eaten by the internet monster that likes to eat my email notificatons sometimes. 

This week I had my last monthly prenatal appointment! From here on out it's every 2 weeks between appointments for a bit, then every week... and somewhere along the line around mid September-ish a birth story will be forthcoming. ;) Baby sounds good, I'm healthy, no concerns. Oh and she's head-down! YAAAAYYY!!! I knew that from the placement of the squirms and kicks and the way I suddenly can't breathe very well already though. ;) I am happy she's decided to get into position now. Bug was sideways (transverse) for so long that by the time he started trying to get into the head down position he kept slipping back into transverse. I know, I felt it. He would squirm with all his might and get head down and then I'd feel him slowly slip back down down down until he was again laying sideways. I think he got my uterus stretched out too much side to side and then it was hard to get enough leverage to stay head-down thereafter! Lol! He finally was able to stay mostly head down by my last appointment before his birth. Chicklet however was ever the impatient one like her mother, and was head down from 6 months on. This baby's about 2 weeks behind her big sister in going head-down. I'm just relieved because it was kind of nerve wracking to have Bug transverse for so long. I remember thinking, "Come on little fellow, you have to do this! I can push you out breech but I can't do sideways!!!"

In other news...
My tea drinking kind of got forgotten over last weekend and most of this week (but I'm about to have a cup right now! Water's heating!) and I haven't started back up walking again yet. A friend was going to come walking with me Saturday but couldn't come after all so I didn't go either. I should have. It's just been SO HOT out that every time I set foot out the door I feel like I can't breathe and need to puke so I keep putting it off even though my pelvic region is feeling pretty much totally recovered in the injury sort of way and more back to sore from weak muscles and lack of walking now. If only there were a nice air conditioned mall near here. Not so though- the nearest one is an hour away. So I need to just go later at night or something because I NEED to walk and I don't want the heat to stop me.

SO- tea here I come! And walking, watch out! This weekend I'm getting back on the bandwagon! ;)

On the nesting front, I think the nesting is rubbing off on my husband or something. :) He sorted some stuff in the kitchen, did a bunch of dishes, and cleaned the bathroom for me last weekend! I told him he's my hero! ♥♥♥ I haven't had any strange nesty urges this week. Oh wait... I collected and am in the process of washing clothes and toys and bedding that was technically "clean" but just stale from disuse or I decided it must be dirty from being drug around by the kids too much... Does that count? It does? Oh okay then I admit it I have been laundry nesting then. And I've been feeling the urge to sort the baby clothes into the changing table drawers, which I'm months overdue on doing. Maybe I'll go do that right now... WAIT! Must finish this post first! Okay sorry, got a little sidetracked there.

What was I saying? Oh yes I was going to tell you about Buggie's misadventure at the beginning of the week. My poor little Bugling! He was running through the kitchen and his sister was chasing after him and I opened my mouth to tell them not to chase each other over the slidey throw rug in front of the kitchen sink but mouth open was as far as I got on that because he was already falling, the rug sliding out from under him. Our upright freezer is on a platform so it doesn't block the vent in the kitchen and poor Bug's head hit the corner of the platform I guess. It's the only sharp thing in the vicinity so that's what I assume he hit, but it would take some fancy falling to have connected since it's pretty much flush with the front of the freezer and I had a rubbermaid box in front of it so his head would have had to have fallen into the space between the rubbermaid box and freezer at just the right angle. By the time I got to the other side of the island to see what was going on he was just laying on the floor screaming. I thought I saw some blood spatters on the floor as I scooped him up and his hands were reaching for the back of his little head. My heart skipped a beat in dread and I thought, "No no no..." I had one hand on the back of his neck/head and when I moved it, there was a bloody wound in the back of his head and I saw blood pumping glug glug glug out of it with each of his little heartbeats! I think I almost died when I saw it because I knew what it could mean. I was so afraid for him! I prayed and it literally slowed to a near stop as I was praying! And Bug stopped screaming when the blood stopped pumping out. The bleeding and screaming probably lasted a whole 20 seconds before it slowed to nothing but it was the longest 20 seconds of my life. I put an ice pack on it and Chicklet handed him his sippy cup and he started sucking on it and just laid in my arms for a while drinking his milk as I held the ice pack wrapped in a washcloth on his head. Hubby got home about 15 minutes after it happened and Bug was all happy to see Dada. We checked for concussion and looked at the wound. It looked about 3/4 of an inch long and was right in the middle of a large bump. But he was alert and there was no bleeding. A wee bit of oozing yes, but it was not bleeding outright. He was happy. Calm. No concussion. Extra cuddley but normal other than that. I didn't want him running around with a fresh head wound so I put some salve on it and hubby held him while they watched a DVD of farm animals. The kids rarely watch tv so having a DVD in effectively kept him still for half an hour. After which he was running around, stomping, dancing, spinning, flinging himself at me, and babbling on in his slurry baby version of English. You know, acting like a normal 23 month old. I of course being his worrying mother, hovered over him the rest of the evening and checked on him during the night. He was fine. He ate more than normal for dinner, slept like a log, and woke up feeling bright and chipper and ready to pester his sissy. A check of the wound revealed he still had a big knot on his noggin but... I could have sworn that cut was longer the day before! It looked amazing! Well it looked like a sore head wound, but in comparison to the day before it looked great! And again the next day it looked even smaller and better. And now a week later it's a little bitty bump with a little bitty scab on it. It's healing up so well it really is amazing. An I know just Who to credit with that... When he was laying in my arms with an ice pack on his head, Chicklet asked me, "Mama did his head get broken and the blood is coming out of it? Can you fix him?" I told her yes, but *I* can't fix him, God can! So we prayed together for God to 'fix baby Buggie's head owie' and so He has. It could have been so bad. As the blood was gushing out with his heartbeats he could have bled to death- it wouldn't take long for a tiny child. And I felt terror that my son was hurt and I didn't know what would happen. And in my terror the first thing I thought was to call out to the Great Physician to heal my baby, and He did. Starting with stopping that blood right as I was asking. And then healing up that head wound in record time! I could cry with thankfullness every time I think about it. My life has been full of so many miracles! Another precious miracle to add to my list of how amazing God is! And as I type this, my little Bug is sharing his Duplo blocks with me, bringing a smile to my face. :) He *should* be in bed but hubby worked late and when he got home and Bug was still awake ... well how could I say no to my two men giving me puppydog eyes. So Bug is hanging out with the adults tonight, much past his bedtime. I think this is the first time he's been allowed to stay up but somehow I don't think he realizes the significance. ;) He's just happy to be hopping from Dada to Mama and back again, sharing Duplos and taking an occasional drink from his sippy cup.

So I'm going to go snuggle up on the couch with my man and my mini-man for a bit, drink some of that tea I'm supposed to be drinking, and then put the Bugster to bed and organize some baby clothes. Sounds like a great way to spend an evening to me! ;)

Cancer

God is bigger than cancer. I remember when I was little, 9 maybe, and my sister who was 3 years younger would wake up screaming in the middle of the night that her legs hurt. She said it felt like little men picking at her bones. It scared me when this happened. It started happening alot. She was diagnosed with leukemia. My parents opted to go a natural route (and lots of prayer of course!) rather than chemo and my sis was cured and is now a healthy 23 year old mother of 2. When my sis was first diagnosed with cancer my mother had all of us tested. My mom had ulcerative colitis and was bedridden all winter every year. Turns out she had pancreatic cancer as well. I used to get these weird shooting headaches that felt like searing hot lightning shooting up the back of my neck and skull. Turns out I had a sarcoma of the brain. It's a good thing mom wanted us all tested. My dad and little brother were fine. Well my mom and I were healed like my sister was and live to tell the tale. We could have easily all lost the battle or it could have been overlooked until it was too late.
Now my mother has cancer again. She has breast cancer and has been fighting it for about 8 years. The thing I have to remind myself of when thinking about my mom dying and what if my sister's cancer comes back or mine does or my children get cancer... I remind myself that God is bigger than cancer. If He wants to take my mother home then I can't do anything about it and no doctor or treatment in the world can either. And if he wants her to be healed then the fact that she has a hole eaten out of her chest by cancer and tumors all over inside her does not matter. GOD is BIGGER than cancer. God can take my mother and make her whole and new again. Or he can take her HOME to heaven where she will never cry, never be afraid, never be in pain again. She will bask in Jesus' love and live forever whole and healed in paradise.
I'm not going to lie to you. It's not OKAY with me if God takes my mom home. I won't be okay and I definately will have some serious issues with accepting it. In my mind He needs to heal her HERE and NOW. I need her. We all need her. I want my children to know Grammie. I want them to remember her. I want to spend many more happy Christmases with her. I don't want to lose her and when I think about that possibility I have a hard time keeping myself together. If I'm still blogging when I lose someone dear to me, you're probably going to see a side of me you don't want to know. Or I will go missing because I'm too brokenhearted to blog. But I have to keep on reminding myself that God is bigger. God can heal her and if He does not then I need to remember that she is in paradise and that she IS healed. It may not be the healing we all want, but we all die someday, and when we do, if we have a personal relationship with our creator, then we will live forever in heaven with no more tears and no more pain. And I WILL see her again, someday my own children will meet her, and we will all be together celebrating CHRISTmas for eternity.
Only God knows the future. In the meantime, I will continue to ask God for a miracle, for an earthly healing for my mother. Because God is bigger than cancer, and He can do anything.

Footprints in the sand of my life...

A post over on Pixel Perfect gave me the inspiration to write this post. :)

Signposts along the path of my life which I have left as a rememberance of the Blessings and guidance God has given to me!

When I was just a little baby in my mother's womb, I was dying. When I was born they didn't know if I would live. My mom had had blood transfusions previously that did not match her blood. When she was pregnant with me (and 5.5 years later my brother as well), her blood was trying to kill me. Somehow though I did not die. I lived and thrived!

About 5 months before this, in a different state, a baby boy was born very prematurely. The doctors and parents didn't know if he would make it. He had a machine to breathe for him. It was a miracle that he did make it! And he lived and thrived.

I met that boy 13 years later and I soon knew that he was The One. It took him about 3 years longer to come to the same conclusion. ;) But that was 3 years I don't regret. While it was very difficult with all the doubt and rejection, it was 3 years I had to pray, to pour out my heart to God, and to sort out in my mind and heart what was important to me in life.

When I was 17 I was at youth group playing freeze tag in the church basement with the other youth and I tripped on something, likely my own feet, and fell into a window. My hand went through the glass, and then my head and shoulders. Time slowed down. I could hear the glas raining down around my ears. I was through the window to my waist and was about to fall all the way out when my right hand caught the wall at the edge of the window. This was a big window and I should not have been able to reach the edge of it, let alone push back with enough force to push myself back into the church. But somehow the wall was suddenly closer, I was suddenly stronger. And I pushed myself back into the room. I felt myself falling straight backwards. I was surrounded by a bright light, it was all I could see. This comforting glow all around me as I fell backward. I fought with everything in me to stay standing. I could not. I was too heavy. I was scared. Then I felt a giant warm hand on the back of my neck and shoulders, gently oh so gently. Someone said in my mind, more like a knowing than a hearing, "trust me." I paused in my fighting for a second, then as I realized I was still going backward I fought again. The calm voice said, "You are safe. Trust me! Trust me." So I let go. I totally let go. I stopped fighting. I let myself fall backward. Only I was no longer falling. I was being ever so gently layed down. So gently. I felt peaceful and safe. I felt the hand on the back of my neck and shoulders still there and it comforted me. Then I heard other voices. "Is she alive?" "She's not moving!" "I think she's unconcious!" "Somebody call 911! Call an ambulance NOW!" I began to mentally claw my way back and the light went out. The hand was gone. It was dark. I started trying to speak and it was a few eternity long seconds before I could. Finally I shouted, "NO AMBULANCE! No hospital, no ambulance. I'm fine!" But I was not fine... I couldn't see a thing. I pulled myself to sitting and I was blind. Everything was as if I had my eyes closed, only they were open. I hurt. My knee hurt. My left arm hurt. My head hurt. Everyone swarmed in on my all at once and I went nuts. I lost it. I yelled at them not to touch me and said I can't see. They ignored me and I freaked out and began lashing out with my fists at anyone nearby screaming to stop touching me. Finally after I punched my future husband's best friend in the stomach they got the picture and stopped crowding me. After a minute of being left alone, crouched on the floor like some wounded animal, I started regaining my vision. As soon as it came back I was calm. I looked down at my hurting leg and saw nothing, so I then looked at my arm and saw that my wrist was sliced open and bleeding, swelling around my watch. I calmly said, "Can somebody please help me get this watch off before it swells so much it cuts off my circulation?" The youth leader jumped into action and gently removed the watch while his mom got me a paper towel to catch the blood. I refused to go to the ER at first, but later, upon finding that my right knee was split open to the bone about 2 inches long I allowed myself to be taken to the ER. The phantom pains would torment me at night after that. In my knee it would feel like my leg was being sawed off. I would scream and my sister would wake up in the next room and bring me pain meds, bless her heart! A couple months later, after the stitches were out and I was able to walk on it more normally again, my sister and I were talking. I was feeling depressed and moody. Satan was whispering in my ear that God doesn't exist. He said that we are alone in this world. I had been wondering why years of prayer had not turned my man's heart to me yet, if I was imagining my strong feeling that he was The One. I thought maybe all my prayers were wasted. Maybe I'm crazy. I prayed silently, "Oh God! I'm doubting you! Please help me! Help my unbelief! Please don't strike me dead for this; Please show me that You are real!" This all happened during a conversation with my sister about something trivial like music. My mind turned to the accident and suddenly I remembered something I'd forgotten about completely until that moment. The Hand. The Voice. I asked my sister, "Hey, remember when I went through the window?" She said she remembered the horrible incident. I continued, "Well after I pulled back into the room somebody caught me and layed me down really gently. Who was it? I have completely forgotten it until now but whoever it was was a hero for thinking so fast to catch me! I really need to thank them!" She was silent for a moment and then said, "Uuuhhh... Um... There was nobody near you. I don't know what you think you remember but there was nobody near you. You bounced back into the room, bashed your head against the wall on the way, and then fell really hard, rolling."
It was then I knew without a doubt that God had not only not struck me dead for asking for a sign, but in His great mercy he had answered my question months before I asked. He had sent an angel to catch my falling soul gently while my physical body was injured. He took me out of that moment and whispered to me to TRUST HIM. And the echo of that came back to me when I asked Him if He is real. "You are safe. Trust me! Trust me." I KNOW God is real. I have felt His hands keeping me from harm and I have heard His voice whispering to me to trust Him. This has always been a great comfort to me when I feel Satan's lies pummeling me! When the evil one whispers in my ear that God is not real or does not care about individual people, I love when I remember the precious words God whispered into my soul that night.

At 18 years old, I was blessed by Mr. Right waking up to my existance! :) When I was 19 we married in May. We had both saved ourselves for marriage. Praise God! I walked down the aisle barefooted in a fairytale dress my mother made, in the spring by a lake outside. That will be 8 years ago this May... 8 wonderful blessed years!

We decided not to have children for a while at first. Then we decided due to the awfulness of the world we would not have children at all.

Then in January of 2006 I found out I was pregnant. And so on September 17th, 2006, a beautiful baby girl was miraculously born to two people who should not have survived from their own births and did not plan to have children at all.

In July of 2007 I had a miscarriage. It was a very dark time in my life. God sent me the support I needed to be able to finally greive and heal. And in November I conceived our dear Bug! The pregnancy was full of scares, so many times I thought something bad was happening, but it did not and he was born in August of 2008.

1 week before the birth of little Buggie, was the culmination of another miracle. The purchase of our first house!

So here I am, in a miracle house, living a miracle life with a miracle of a husband two miracle children. (And probably a miracle computer since it's tried to croak on me about 100 times already and somehow keeps hanging on.) I sometimes get discouraged, sometimes I despair. It's so hard to see the sun (Son) when you're in the dark valleys, isn't it? But He keeps bringing me up the mountains to see the beautiful view of the tapestry of my family's lives. If I just hang on a little longer through the valley, there's the mountain on the other side and at the top is the overwhelming peace of His presence. At the top, I can see the miracles behind me, a trail of them, like a patchwork ribbon of joys and sorrows, beautiful contrasts that I can only understand afterward- some on the mountains and some not until Mt. Zion.

~
Praise be to God on High! You oh Lord have faithfully brought me through the trials, even when I have drug my feet and resented You! Even when I have doubted! You have been ever patient with me and I thank you Lord from the depths of my soul! I want to be useable by You as You have used others to help me on my journey! Please use me, flawed though I am. Use me to show others Your amazing love and faithfulness to those who love You! Amen!
~

Reminiscing Blessings

What a beautiful day it is today! Not too hot and not chilly! A lovely Sunday indeed. As I sit here thinking about my amazing God and the amazing things He's done for me, I am looking around at my miracle house. "A miracle house" you say? Why yes, a miracle house. :)
You see, it is not only miraculous that we were able to buy a house at all, but that we were able to buy such a nice house, with such a big yard, right when the economy was collapsing and banks were not wanting to give loans. It's miracle that the seller went down in price drastically for us when they had other offers. And it's a miracle that we were able to move into a bigger home JUST in time for baby Bug to be born. We literally moved in one week before he was born! :)
Here we are in the house, taking pictures to email to my parents to ask their opinion on putting an offer in:

I was so pregnant and roasting in the summer heat in that picture! And my little Chicklet was 1 3/4. It was only a little over a year ago and how time has flown! Yes, she is wearing socks under her sandals in the pic! ;) The yard needs alot of work, it's just dirt with thorns growing and no real grass. So I had her wear socks to protect her feet and so we could just take them off when we got back in the car to go home.

It's such a lovely house. All the open doorways are arched and the whole house is painted this light beige color inside. It's very open and bright with lots of windows. We had been looking for a house to buy since my husband got out of the military in 2005. Every time we found one we liked it was either too much or the offer was rejected. This one was way out of our league and we knew it. But after prayers and thoughts and discussions and advice... we offered. We had a set price that was the max we were able to afford and we were not going to stretch ourselves over that amount no matter what. It would be tempting if we thought we could get a house to go over our budget but that would wind up being horrible on us financially in the long run. I could just imagine us going bankrupt. So we agreed on our limit and promised each other and God that we were not going over it. We knew that God knew what we could afford and if the seller would not take it it was not for us. So the seller countered back higher, we countered back at our max price and they rejected. They expected a counter back again but we couldn't do it. That was all we had. Another dissappointment. Another fallthrough. BUT we were at peace because we knew if it had been God's will we would have gotten it. So my husband stopped by the real estate office on his way home from work to sign the rejection and end our involvement. And as he was pulling out of the parking lot, his phone rang. It was our agent. The seller had changed their mind!!!! They asked us to resubmit our last offer and they would accept it this time and that's how God worked to get us this house that was listed at $20,000 above our limit.
That can only be a God thing. There is so much more to the story, so many more little miracles along the way, but I don't have time to type them all up so I will just leave it at this, and go to bed with a smile tonight thinking of how God has provided this house for us and how VERY THANKFUL I am to Him for it! :)