God is bigger than cancer. I remember when I was little, 9 maybe, and my sister who was 3 years younger would wake up screaming in the middle of the night that her legs hurt. She said it felt like little men picking at her bones. It scared me when this happened. It started happening alot. She was diagnosed with leukemia. My parents opted to go a natural route (and lots of prayer of course!) rather than chemo and my sis was cured and is now a healthy 23 year old mother of 2. When my sis was first diagnosed with cancer my mother had all of us tested. My mom had ulcerative colitis and was bedridden all winter every year. Turns out she had pancreatic cancer as well. I used to get these weird shooting headaches that felt like searing hot lightning shooting up the back of my neck and skull. Turns out I had a sarcoma of the brain. It's a good thing mom wanted us all tested. My dad and little brother were fine. Well my mom and I were healed like my sister was and live to tell the tale. We could have easily all lost the battle or it could have been overlooked until it was too late.
Now my mother has cancer again. She has breast cancer and has been fighting it for about 8 years. The thing I have to remind myself of when thinking about my mom dying and what if my sister's cancer comes back or mine does or my children get cancer... I remind myself that God is bigger than cancer. If He wants to take my mother home then I can't do anything about it and no doctor or treatment in the world can either. And if he wants her to be healed then the fact that she has a hole eaten out of her chest by cancer and tumors all over inside her does not matter. GOD is BIGGER than cancer. God can take my mother and make her whole and new again. Or he can take her HOME to heaven where she will never cry, never be afraid, never be in pain again. She will bask in Jesus' love and live forever whole and healed in paradise.
I'm not going to lie to you. It's not OKAY with me if God takes my mom home. I won't be okay and I definately will have some serious issues with accepting it. In my mind He needs to heal her HERE and NOW. I need her. We all need her. I want my children to know Grammie. I want them to remember her. I want to spend many more happy Christmases with her. I don't want to lose her and when I think about that possibility I have a hard time keeping myself together. If I'm still blogging when I lose someone dear to me, you're probably going to see a side of me you don't want to know. Or I will go missing because I'm too brokenhearted to blog. But I have to keep on reminding myself that God is bigger. God can heal her and if He does not then I need to remember that she is in paradise and that she IS healed. It may not be the healing we all want, but we all die someday, and when we do, if we have a personal relationship with our creator, then we will live forever in heaven with no more tears and no more pain. And I WILL see her again, someday my own children will meet her, and we will all be together celebrating CHRISTmas for eternity.
Only God knows the future. In the meantime, I will continue to ask God for a miracle, for an earthly healing for my mother. Because God is bigger than cancer, and He can do anything.
Showing posts with label Prayers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Prayers. Show all posts
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Never talk on the phone while carrying a pot of boiling greasy water
Never ever talk on the phone while carrying a pot of boiling greasy water if you're clumsy...
I was on the phone with my husband last night (he is out of town on business) when it happened. I had just fed the kids sandwiches and put them to bed and started getting shaky, realized I needed some protein, but the hamburgers were frozen. I decided to boil a couple because I didn't feel like taking half an hour to fry them apart without burning them (they were stuck frozen together). So I put the burgers in the pot with water and boiled them and as I was fishing the cooked burgers out the phone rang and it was my husband. As I was talking to him, I was carrying the pot of very greasy water to the sink and I'm clumsy so I stumbled a bit and it sloshed onto my belly. It started at the bottom of my ribcage and ran downward to my waist, boiling the skin off as it went, and soaked into the shirt spreading out to the sides too, all in less than a second and I screamed and plopped the pot into the sink to rip my shirt off. Thankfully the kids didn't come running in/start screaming sincethey were in bed supposed to be sleeping. So all of a whole 2 seconds after it happened I'm pulling off my shirt and look down and there's pieces of the top few layers of skin just hanging off in chunks. Ewwww! And OWWWWWW!!!!
I held a wet paper towel on it, then after about 20 minutes of pacing back and forth in pain with a wet paper towel on my belly, I told hubby I've gotta get off the phone to deal with this burn, it's BAD. I was trying not to cry. He's out of town and doesn't need to worry any more than he already was just hearing the whole thing happen. I got off the phone and slathered the burn in the salve I love so much (which it HURT super bad to touch it to put anything on it!) and then put a 6"x6" wet paper towel over that (nothing smaller would work- it was a large burn), then I put a dishtowel over THAT and put a bag of frozen peas on top, which I kept on there for a good hour. I had to take some extra strength tylenol because I was in so much pain. I thought I needed to go get it looked at but I was not in favor of getting the kids up and driving an hour to the city (our local hosp.- heard so many bad bad stories I would not go there unless I was dying!) with a bag of frozen peas on my stomach. Plus I'd slathered so much salve on there they wouldn't be able to see anything and that salve does not wash off... I put so much on there it had not absorbed yet and it would have to be scraped off. No thank you. Not signing up for more pain! Not to mention I would feel silly making such a big deal out of myself over something that was not lifethreatening. And then there's the money. So I opted to stay home and pray the salve would do the trick.
I spilled the grease at around 9pm and by 11pm I had had enough of the frozen peas and taken them off. By midnight the Tylenol and salve had kicked in and I was not in pain anymore. So I put a 6x6" gauze pad over the salve and since I didn't have any tape I held it down with band-aids. Lol!
It is sore today but I changed the bandage at 9am and the redness and swelling has gone on the sides. The stripe in the middle where the greasewater hit first is blistered and missing some skin but the redness has gone and it is only a little sore. The sides of the burn where there weren't blisters are not even red anymore and only a little tender to the touch. My poor skin where it got boiled off though... The poor skin that is left is not ready to be skin yet and is kind of oozing white blood cells and super tender.
There's no infection though and the swelling is totally gone. Just some blisters and missing skin now. I love that salve... I don't think any infection could live through it. It's better than neosporin! I am so pleased with how much better it looks today. Last night I thought I might wind up with scars on half my tummy but today it's only the boiled off blistered area that looks like it will scar. It might not though if it keeps healing at this rate. It'a amazing how much it's improved just overnight. I am glad now though that I didn't go to the ER or something, seeing how much better it was after only 12 hours. Yay! It hurt SO BAD for those first 3 hours though.
There will not be a giveaway this week. There may not be a giveaway next week either because I will be out of town. The week after that should be normal though and I am planning a giveaway. :)
I was going to post my Toddler Tales Tuesday last night but as you have just read, I kind of got distracted. I was going to eat my tasty boiled hamburgers while I posted it. *sigh* One of my hands was occupied holding a bag of frozen peas though so I did not do much typing after all. Oh well, there is always next Tuesday, right?
I finished my book finally. Only the River Runs Free by Bodie and Brock Thoene. It was pretty good. I enjoyed it. I had tried to read it when I was a teen but it was too slow for me then. I can't imagine how I found it too slow!!! It's very good and keeps you interested. I like a book that is interesting enough that you think about what could happen next when you are not reading it. I would be cooking supper and wondering what might happen next. :) It was not as good as some books I've read but it was good and I might read it again someday.
My favorite book ever ever ever is The Oath by Frank Peretti and if you have not read that one you need to. It's very scary but awesome! I loved the paralels of the dragon to Satan and how he rotted their hearts and controlled them. Peretti's newer one, Monster, is good too but it doesn't top The Oath.
Aaaaannnnnd I'm being "mommy"-ed at. Always in demand! I feel so popular... ;) I've got a busy day with hubby out of town. I won a cookbook which I am going to use to make some freezer meals for myself and others. Particularly my friend who is mentioned in my prayer requests in the side bar. I'm not sure when they are going to induce her but the baby's lungs are not mature yet. There is a problem with the cord and they need to get the baby out as soon as possible so we're hoping and praying the lungs mature ASAP!
Last night the kids kept waking up all night. So I'm really tired. I'm gonna go take a nap with my littles. I hope you all are having a great week so far! :)
I was on the phone with my husband last night (he is out of town on business) when it happened. I had just fed the kids sandwiches and put them to bed and started getting shaky, realized I needed some protein, but the hamburgers were frozen. I decided to boil a couple because I didn't feel like taking half an hour to fry them apart without burning them (they were stuck frozen together). So I put the burgers in the pot with water and boiled them and as I was fishing the cooked burgers out the phone rang and it was my husband. As I was talking to him, I was carrying the pot of very greasy water to the sink and I'm clumsy so I stumbled a bit and it sloshed onto my belly. It started at the bottom of my ribcage and ran downward to my waist, boiling the skin off as it went, and soaked into the shirt spreading out to the sides too, all in less than a second and I screamed and plopped the pot into the sink to rip my shirt off. Thankfully the kids didn't come running in/start screaming sincethey were in bed supposed to be sleeping. So all of a whole 2 seconds after it happened I'm pulling off my shirt and look down and there's pieces of the top few layers of skin just hanging off in chunks. Ewwww! And OWWWWWW!!!!
I held a wet paper towel on it, then after about 20 minutes of pacing back and forth in pain with a wet paper towel on my belly, I told hubby I've gotta get off the phone to deal with this burn, it's BAD. I was trying not to cry. He's out of town and doesn't need to worry any more than he already was just hearing the whole thing happen. I got off the phone and slathered the burn in the salve I love so much (which it HURT super bad to touch it to put anything on it!) and then put a 6"x6" wet paper towel over that (nothing smaller would work- it was a large burn), then I put a dishtowel over THAT and put a bag of frozen peas on top, which I kept on there for a good hour. I had to take some extra strength tylenol because I was in so much pain. I thought I needed to go get it looked at but I was not in favor of getting the kids up and driving an hour to the city (our local hosp.- heard so many bad bad stories I would not go there unless I was dying!) with a bag of frozen peas on my stomach. Plus I'd slathered so much salve on there they wouldn't be able to see anything and that salve does not wash off... I put so much on there it had not absorbed yet and it would have to be scraped off. No thank you. Not signing up for more pain! Not to mention I would feel silly making such a big deal out of myself over something that was not lifethreatening. And then there's the money. So I opted to stay home and pray the salve would do the trick.
I spilled the grease at around 9pm and by 11pm I had had enough of the frozen peas and taken them off. By midnight the Tylenol and salve had kicked in and I was not in pain anymore. So I put a 6x6" gauze pad over the salve and since I didn't have any tape I held it down with band-aids. Lol!
It is sore today but I changed the bandage at 9am and the redness and swelling has gone on the sides. The stripe in the middle where the greasewater hit first is blistered and missing some skin but the redness has gone and it is only a little sore. The sides of the burn where there weren't blisters are not even red anymore and only a little tender to the touch. My poor skin where it got boiled off though... The poor skin that is left is not ready to be skin yet and is kind of oozing white blood cells and super tender.
There's no infection though and the swelling is totally gone. Just some blisters and missing skin now. I love that salve... I don't think any infection could live through it. It's better than neosporin! I am so pleased with how much better it looks today. Last night I thought I might wind up with scars on half my tummy but today it's only the boiled off blistered area that looks like it will scar. It might not though if it keeps healing at this rate. It'a amazing how much it's improved just overnight. I am glad now though that I didn't go to the ER or something, seeing how much better it was after only 12 hours. Yay! It hurt SO BAD for those first 3 hours though.
There will not be a giveaway this week. There may not be a giveaway next week either because I will be out of town. The week after that should be normal though and I am planning a giveaway. :)
I was going to post my Toddler Tales Tuesday last night but as you have just read, I kind of got distracted. I was going to eat my tasty boiled hamburgers while I posted it. *sigh* One of my hands was occupied holding a bag of frozen peas though so I did not do much typing after all. Oh well, there is always next Tuesday, right?
I finished my book finally. Only the River Runs Free by Bodie and Brock Thoene. It was pretty good. I enjoyed it. I had tried to read it when I was a teen but it was too slow for me then. I can't imagine how I found it too slow!!! It's very good and keeps you interested. I like a book that is interesting enough that you think about what could happen next when you are not reading it. I would be cooking supper and wondering what might happen next. :) It was not as good as some books I've read but it was good and I might read it again someday.
My favorite book ever ever ever is The Oath by Frank Peretti and if you have not read that one you need to. It's very scary but awesome! I loved the paralels of the dragon to Satan and how he rotted their hearts and controlled them. Peretti's newer one, Monster, is good too but it doesn't top The Oath.
Aaaaannnnnd I'm being "mommy"-ed at. Always in demand! I feel so popular... ;) I've got a busy day with hubby out of town. I won a cookbook which I am going to use to make some freezer meals for myself and others. Particularly my friend who is mentioned in my prayer requests in the side bar. I'm not sure when they are going to induce her but the baby's lungs are not mature yet. There is a problem with the cord and they need to get the baby out as soon as possible so we're hoping and praying the lungs mature ASAP!
Last night the kids kept waking up all night. So I'm really tired. I'm gonna go take a nap with my littles. I hope you all are having a great week so far! :)
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Sunday, September 20th, 2009
I am a tad bit busy this afternoon and also a wee bit short on inspiration due to being up with kiddos all night and feeling quite tired. So I hope you will forgive me, instead of writing a new post right now I'm just going to refer you to a post from one of my other blogs for your daily dose of fresh reading material. ;)
Some believe that once you're 'saved' you're saved no matter what you do afterward. I just read a comment on another blog that said the person didn't get, "...how Jesus would allow someone who committed unthinkable crime and denied Him all their life, get into heaven JUST for saying a simple prayer when he was 8." Well I agree- that pretty much sums up why I don't believe the once-saved, always-saved philosophy. But on the opposite end of the spectrum I don't believe that God yanks your name out of the Book of Life every time you make a mistake and you have to say the sinners prayer again to get put back on the nice list. I also don't believe loss of salvation has anything to do with you getting snached away from God, but that you leave Him of your own accord. So here's what I get out of my Bible on the subject;
Saying a prayer in and of itself will not get you to heaven. Good works will not get you to heaven. For by FAITH through grace we are saved, not by WORKS lest any man should boast. That means just being a good person won't get you to heaven. Why? Because ALL people have sinned. Every one. The wages of sin is death - that means any sin - but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus. The wages of robbing a bank is death. The wages of murdering is death. The wage of thinking a lustful thought is death. The wage of sassing your mama is death. All sin is sin. Sin cannot enter heaven because God is holy and sin cannot be in heaven with the holy God. So if you sin, even an eensy weensie bit, you cannot go to heaven. And obviously everyone on this earth has sinned at some point whether they realize it or not. So the only way to heaven is to have Someone pay your way in for you, since the price of a ticket to Paradise is one pure and blameless, sinless human life. And there is only One who can pay that price for you - Jesus. So you have to believe that Jesus is who He says He is because if He's not, then He can't afford your ticket either.
And if you truely believe that Jesus is Who He says He is, then you will want to please Him. You will be thankful for him paying the price you could never pay so you could get into heaven.
Say you're waiting at the gates of the Superduperbowl, and the tickets are so expensive that there's only one man on the planet rich enough to buy tickets- the only son of the owner of the Superduperbowl arena. If you try to go through the gates without a ticket, you would be arrested. So say someone comes up to you and offers to pay for your ticket. He says he's the son, the only man on earth who can afford your ticket and he wants to pay for your way in. You won't accept the gift if you don't believe he is who he says he is, right? You would mock him and laugh and say, "Hey no way dude, I have a plan to sneak in or bribe or beg or whatever because you can't possibly be THE SON! Haha! You're probably just trying to make me look like a fool!" But if you DO believe he is who he says he is, you would feel so grateful that he would do this for you asking nothing in return that you would make conversation with him, try to get to know him, try to please him, try to express to him somehow how very grateful you are! You would want to tell everyone you met about how wonderful this son is! You would want your friends to get into the game with you! You would be so happy and excited! You would not leave his side and if you did, if you stumbled or forgot yourself and acted like an ingrate or were rude to him, you would apologize, ask forgiveness, and keep trying to do better, thankful all the way that he did not go back on his offer every time you messed up!
Now lets try a different hypothetical. Let's say you didn't really believe he was the one he said he was, but you pretended to. You might have even convinced yourself at the moment that he was the one, but then you got to doubting and overthinking it and decided to go your own way. Or you did believe at first but then decided that making nice was too much trouble, you'd rather go off with your friends and do what makes you feel good and hang out with people who like to bash the son with words and actions. If you are not with HIM at the gate because after accepting his offer you decided to go your own way, how can he pay for your ticket? He can't! You left him! Or what if someone tells you he can pay your way but they are not the son. Maybe they claim to be, maybe they claim to be someone else of power who can get you through the gate. Well no matter how much you believe in them, how good and nice you are, and how far you follow them, if they can't pay the price of one sinless, 100% pure human life for your ticket, then you're not getting in that gate.
Does that make sense? If you believe in Jesus, you will want to do what is right to please Him. If you fall he's not going to change His mind and leave you there alone of course. He'll hold out His hand to you to help you back up. But if you decide to stay on the ground and not get up, or go your own way, or follow someone who cannot pay the price, then you're not going to be able to get in that gate! The sinner's prayer isn't a wristband for the county fair. The event IS HEAVEN; the *journey* there isn't what we're buying a ticket for! The journey is for getting to know the One who is paying our way. Because if you don't know Him by the time you get to the gate, you won't have a ticket.
Some believe that once you're 'saved' you're saved no matter what you do afterward. I just read a comment on another blog that said the person didn't get, "...how Jesus would allow someone who committed unthinkable crime and denied Him all their life, get into heaven JUST for saying a simple prayer when he was 8." Well I agree- that pretty much sums up why I don't believe the once-saved, always-saved philosophy. But on the opposite end of the spectrum I don't believe that God yanks your name out of the Book of Life every time you make a mistake and you have to say the sinners prayer again to get put back on the nice list. I also don't believe loss of salvation has anything to do with you getting snached away from God, but that you leave Him of your own accord. So here's what I get out of my Bible on the subject;
Saying a prayer in and of itself will not get you to heaven. Good works will not get you to heaven. For by FAITH through grace we are saved, not by WORKS lest any man should boast. That means just being a good person won't get you to heaven. Why? Because ALL people have sinned. Every one. The wages of sin is death - that means any sin - but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus. The wages of robbing a bank is death. The wages of murdering is death. The wage of thinking a lustful thought is death. The wage of sassing your mama is death. All sin is sin. Sin cannot enter heaven because God is holy and sin cannot be in heaven with the holy God. So if you sin, even an eensy weensie bit, you cannot go to heaven. And obviously everyone on this earth has sinned at some point whether they realize it or not. So the only way to heaven is to have Someone pay your way in for you, since the price of a ticket to Paradise is one pure and blameless, sinless human life. And there is only One who can pay that price for you - Jesus. So you have to believe that Jesus is who He says He is because if He's not, then He can't afford your ticket either.
And if you truely believe that Jesus is Who He says He is, then you will want to please Him. You will be thankful for him paying the price you could never pay so you could get into heaven.
Say you're waiting at the gates of the Superduperbowl, and the tickets are so expensive that there's only one man on the planet rich enough to buy tickets- the only son of the owner of the Superduperbowl arena. If you try to go through the gates without a ticket, you would be arrested. So say someone comes up to you and offers to pay for your ticket. He says he's the son, the only man on earth who can afford your ticket and he wants to pay for your way in. You won't accept the gift if you don't believe he is who he says he is, right? You would mock him and laugh and say, "Hey no way dude, I have a plan to sneak in or bribe or beg or whatever because you can't possibly be THE SON! Haha! You're probably just trying to make me look like a fool!" But if you DO believe he is who he says he is, you would feel so grateful that he would do this for you asking nothing in return that you would make conversation with him, try to get to know him, try to please him, try to express to him somehow how very grateful you are! You would want to tell everyone you met about how wonderful this son is! You would want your friends to get into the game with you! You would be so happy and excited! You would not leave his side and if you did, if you stumbled or forgot yourself and acted like an ingrate or were rude to him, you would apologize, ask forgiveness, and keep trying to do better, thankful all the way that he did not go back on his offer every time you messed up!
Now lets try a different hypothetical. Let's say you didn't really believe he was the one he said he was, but you pretended to. You might have even convinced yourself at the moment that he was the one, but then you got to doubting and overthinking it and decided to go your own way. Or you did believe at first but then decided that making nice was too much trouble, you'd rather go off with your friends and do what makes you feel good and hang out with people who like to bash the son with words and actions. If you are not with HIM at the gate because after accepting his offer you decided to go your own way, how can he pay for your ticket? He can't! You left him! Or what if someone tells you he can pay your way but they are not the son. Maybe they claim to be, maybe they claim to be someone else of power who can get you through the gate. Well no matter how much you believe in them, how good and nice you are, and how far you follow them, if they can't pay the price of one sinless, 100% pure human life for your ticket, then you're not getting in that gate.
Does that make sense? If you believe in Jesus, you will want to do what is right to please Him. If you fall he's not going to change His mind and leave you there alone of course. He'll hold out His hand to you to help you back up. But if you decide to stay on the ground and not get up, or go your own way, or follow someone who cannot pay the price, then you're not going to be able to get in that gate! The sinner's prayer isn't a wristband for the county fair. The event IS HEAVEN; the *journey* there isn't what we're buying a ticket for! The journey is for getting to know the One who is paying our way. Because if you don't know Him by the time you get to the gate, you won't have a ticket.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Footprints in the sand of my life...
A post over on Pixel Perfect gave me the inspiration to write this post. :)
Signposts along the path of my life which I have left as a rememberance of the Blessings and guidance God has given to me!
When I was just a little baby in my mother's womb, I was dying. When I was born they didn't know if I would live. My mom had had blood transfusions previously that did not match her blood. When she was pregnant with me (and 5.5 years later my brother as well), her blood was trying to kill me. Somehow though I did not die. I lived and thrived!
About 5 months before this, in a different state, a baby boy was born very prematurely. The doctors and parents didn't know if he would make it. He had a machine to breathe for him. It was a miracle that he did make it! And he lived and thrived.
I met that boy 13 years later and I soon knew that he was The One. It took him about 3 years longer to come to the same conclusion. ;) But that was 3 years I don't regret. While it was very difficult with all the doubt and rejection, it was 3 years I had to pray, to pour out my heart to God, and to sort out in my mind and heart what was important to me in life.
When I was 17 I was at youth group playing freeze tag in the church basement with the other youth and I tripped on something, likely my own feet, and fell into a window. My hand went through the glass, and then my head and shoulders. Time slowed down. I could hear the glas raining down around my ears. I was through the window to my waist and was about to fall all the way out when my right hand caught the wall at the edge of the window. This was a big window and I should not have been able to reach the edge of it, let alone push back with enough force to push myself back into the church. But somehow the wall was suddenly closer, I was suddenly stronger. And I pushed myself back into the room. I felt myself falling straight backwards. I was surrounded by a bright light, it was all I could see. This comforting glow all around me as I fell backward. I fought with everything in me to stay standing. I could not. I was too heavy. I was scared. Then I felt a giant warm hand on the back of my neck and shoulders, gently oh so gently. Someone said in my mind, more like a knowing than a hearing, "trust me." I paused in my fighting for a second, then as I realized I was still going backward I fought again. The calm voice said, "You are safe. Trust me! Trust me." So I let go. I totally let go. I stopped fighting. I let myself fall backward. Only I was no longer falling. I was being ever so gently layed down. So gently. I felt peaceful and safe. I felt the hand on the back of my neck and shoulders still there and it comforted me. Then I heard other voices. "Is she alive?" "She's not moving!" "I think she's unconcious!" "Somebody call 911! Call an ambulance NOW!" I began to mentally claw my way back and the light went out. The hand was gone. It was dark. I started trying to speak and it was a few eternity long seconds before I could. Finally I shouted, "NO AMBULANCE! No hospital, no ambulance. I'm fine!" But I was not fine... I couldn't see a thing. I pulled myself to sitting and I was blind. Everything was as if I had my eyes closed, only they were open. I hurt. My knee hurt. My left arm hurt. My head hurt. Everyone swarmed in on my all at once and I went nuts. I lost it. I yelled at them not to touch me and said I can't see. They ignored me and I freaked out and began lashing out with my fists at anyone nearby screaming to stop touching me. Finally after I punched my future husband's best friend in the stomach they got the picture and stopped crowding me. After a minute of being left alone, crouched on the floor like some wounded animal, I started regaining my vision. As soon as it came back I was calm. I looked down at my hurting leg and saw nothing, so I then looked at my arm and saw that my wrist was sliced open and bleeding, swelling around my watch. I calmly said, "Can somebody please help me get this watch off before it swells so much it cuts off my circulation?" The youth leader jumped into action and gently removed the watch while his mom got me a paper towel to catch the blood. I refused to go to the ER at first, but later, upon finding that my right knee was split open to the bone about 2 inches long I allowed myself to be taken to the ER. The phantom pains would torment me at night after that. In my knee it would feel like my leg was being sawed off. I would scream and my sister would wake up in the next room and bring me pain meds, bless her heart! A couple months later, after the stitches were out and I was able to walk on it more normally again, my sister and I were talking. I was feeling depressed and moody. Satan was whispering in my ear that God doesn't exist. He said that we are alone in this world. I had been wondering why years of prayer had not turned my man's heart to me yet, if I was imagining my strong feeling that he was The One. I thought maybe all my prayers were wasted. Maybe I'm crazy. I prayed silently, "Oh God! I'm doubting you! Please help me! Help my unbelief! Please don't strike me dead for this; Please show me that You are real!" This all happened during a conversation with my sister about something trivial like music. My mind turned to the accident and suddenly I remembered something I'd forgotten about completely until that moment. The Hand. The Voice. I asked my sister, "Hey, remember when I went through the window?" She said she remembered the horrible incident. I continued, "Well after I pulled back into the room somebody caught me and layed me down really gently. Who was it? I have completely forgotten it until now but whoever it was was a hero for thinking so fast to catch me! I really need to thank them!" She was silent for a moment and then said, "Uuuhhh... Um... There was nobody near you. I don't know what you think you remember but there was nobody near you. You bounced back into the room, bashed your head against the wall on the way, and then fell really hard, rolling."
It was then I knew without a doubt that God had not only not struck me dead for asking for a sign, but in His great mercy he had answered my question months before I asked. He had sent an angel to catch my falling soul gently while my physical body was injured. He took me out of that moment and whispered to me to TRUST HIM. And the echo of that came back to me when I asked Him if He is real. "You are safe. Trust me! Trust me." I KNOW God is real. I have felt His hands keeping me from harm and I have heard His voice whispering to me to trust Him. This has always been a great comfort to me when I feel Satan's lies pummeling me! When the evil one whispers in my ear that God is not real or does not care about individual people, I love when I remember the precious words God whispered into my soul that night.
At 18 years old, I was blessed by Mr. Right waking up to my existance! :) When I was 19 we married in May. We had both saved ourselves for marriage. Praise God! I walked down the aisle barefooted in a fairytale dress my mother made, in the spring by a lake outside. That will be 8 years ago this May... 8 wonderful blessed years!
We decided not to have children for a while at first. Then we decided due to the awfulness of the world we would not have children at all.
Then in January of 2006 I found out I was pregnant. And so on September 17th, 2006, a beautiful baby girl was miraculously born to two people who should not have survived from their own births and did not plan to have children at all.
In July of 2007 I had a miscarriage. It was a very dark time in my life. God sent me the support I needed to be able to finally greive and heal. And in November I conceived our dear Bug! The pregnancy was full of scares, so many times I thought something bad was happening, but it did not and he was born in August of 2008.
1 week before the birth of little Buggie, was the culmination of another miracle. The purchase of our first house!
So here I am, in a miracle house, living a miracle life with a miracle of a husband two miracle children. (And probably a miracle computer since it's tried to croak on me about 100 times already and somehow keeps hanging on.) I sometimes get discouraged, sometimes I despair. It's so hard to see the sun (Son) when you're in the dark valleys, isn't it? But He keeps bringing me up the mountains to see the beautiful view of the tapestry of my family's lives. If I just hang on a little longer through the valley, there's the mountain on the other side and at the top is the overwhelming peace of His presence. At the top, I can see the miracles behind me, a trail of them, like a patchwork ribbon of joys and sorrows, beautiful contrasts that I can only understand afterward- some on the mountains and some not until Mt. Zion.
~
Praise be to God on High! You oh Lord have faithfully brought me through the trials, even when I have drug my feet and resented You! Even when I have doubted! You have been ever patient with me and I thank you Lord from the depths of my soul! I want to be useable by You as You have used others to help me on my journey! Please use me, flawed though I am. Use me to show others Your amazing love and faithfulness to those who love You! Amen!
~
Signposts along the path of my life which I have left as a rememberance of the Blessings and guidance God has given to me!
When I was just a little baby in my mother's womb, I was dying. When I was born they didn't know if I would live. My mom had had blood transfusions previously that did not match her blood. When she was pregnant with me (and 5.5 years later my brother as well), her blood was trying to kill me. Somehow though I did not die. I lived and thrived!
About 5 months before this, in a different state, a baby boy was born very prematurely. The doctors and parents didn't know if he would make it. He had a machine to breathe for him. It was a miracle that he did make it! And he lived and thrived.
I met that boy 13 years later and I soon knew that he was The One. It took him about 3 years longer to come to the same conclusion. ;) But that was 3 years I don't regret. While it was very difficult with all the doubt and rejection, it was 3 years I had to pray, to pour out my heart to God, and to sort out in my mind and heart what was important to me in life.
When I was 17 I was at youth group playing freeze tag in the church basement with the other youth and I tripped on something, likely my own feet, and fell into a window. My hand went through the glass, and then my head and shoulders. Time slowed down. I could hear the glas raining down around my ears. I was through the window to my waist and was about to fall all the way out when my right hand caught the wall at the edge of the window. This was a big window and I should not have been able to reach the edge of it, let alone push back with enough force to push myself back into the church. But somehow the wall was suddenly closer, I was suddenly stronger. And I pushed myself back into the room. I felt myself falling straight backwards. I was surrounded by a bright light, it was all I could see. This comforting glow all around me as I fell backward. I fought with everything in me to stay standing. I could not. I was too heavy. I was scared. Then I felt a giant warm hand on the back of my neck and shoulders, gently oh so gently. Someone said in my mind, more like a knowing than a hearing, "trust me." I paused in my fighting for a second, then as I realized I was still going backward I fought again. The calm voice said, "You are safe. Trust me! Trust me." So I let go. I totally let go. I stopped fighting. I let myself fall backward. Only I was no longer falling. I was being ever so gently layed down. So gently. I felt peaceful and safe. I felt the hand on the back of my neck and shoulders still there and it comforted me. Then I heard other voices. "Is she alive?" "She's not moving!" "I think she's unconcious!" "Somebody call 911! Call an ambulance NOW!" I began to mentally claw my way back and the light went out. The hand was gone. It was dark. I started trying to speak and it was a few eternity long seconds before I could. Finally I shouted, "NO AMBULANCE! No hospital, no ambulance. I'm fine!" But I was not fine... I couldn't see a thing. I pulled myself to sitting and I was blind. Everything was as if I had my eyes closed, only they were open. I hurt. My knee hurt. My left arm hurt. My head hurt. Everyone swarmed in on my all at once and I went nuts. I lost it. I yelled at them not to touch me and said I can't see. They ignored me and I freaked out and began lashing out with my fists at anyone nearby screaming to stop touching me. Finally after I punched my future husband's best friend in the stomach they got the picture and stopped crowding me. After a minute of being left alone, crouched on the floor like some wounded animal, I started regaining my vision. As soon as it came back I was calm. I looked down at my hurting leg and saw nothing, so I then looked at my arm and saw that my wrist was sliced open and bleeding, swelling around my watch. I calmly said, "Can somebody please help me get this watch off before it swells so much it cuts off my circulation?" The youth leader jumped into action and gently removed the watch while his mom got me a paper towel to catch the blood. I refused to go to the ER at first, but later, upon finding that my right knee was split open to the bone about 2 inches long I allowed myself to be taken to the ER. The phantom pains would torment me at night after that. In my knee it would feel like my leg was being sawed off. I would scream and my sister would wake up in the next room and bring me pain meds, bless her heart! A couple months later, after the stitches were out and I was able to walk on it more normally again, my sister and I were talking. I was feeling depressed and moody. Satan was whispering in my ear that God doesn't exist. He said that we are alone in this world. I had been wondering why years of prayer had not turned my man's heart to me yet, if I was imagining my strong feeling that he was The One. I thought maybe all my prayers were wasted. Maybe I'm crazy. I prayed silently, "Oh God! I'm doubting you! Please help me! Help my unbelief! Please don't strike me dead for this; Please show me that You are real!" This all happened during a conversation with my sister about something trivial like music. My mind turned to the accident and suddenly I remembered something I'd forgotten about completely until that moment. The Hand. The Voice. I asked my sister, "Hey, remember when I went through the window?" She said she remembered the horrible incident. I continued, "Well after I pulled back into the room somebody caught me and layed me down really gently. Who was it? I have completely forgotten it until now but whoever it was was a hero for thinking so fast to catch me! I really need to thank them!" She was silent for a moment and then said, "Uuuhhh... Um... There was nobody near you. I don't know what you think you remember but there was nobody near you. You bounced back into the room, bashed your head against the wall on the way, and then fell really hard, rolling."
It was then I knew without a doubt that God had not only not struck me dead for asking for a sign, but in His great mercy he had answered my question months before I asked. He had sent an angel to catch my falling soul gently while my physical body was injured. He took me out of that moment and whispered to me to TRUST HIM. And the echo of that came back to me when I asked Him if He is real. "You are safe. Trust me! Trust me." I KNOW God is real. I have felt His hands keeping me from harm and I have heard His voice whispering to me to trust Him. This has always been a great comfort to me when I feel Satan's lies pummeling me! When the evil one whispers in my ear that God is not real or does not care about individual people, I love when I remember the precious words God whispered into my soul that night.
At 18 years old, I was blessed by Mr. Right waking up to my existance! :) When I was 19 we married in May. We had both saved ourselves for marriage. Praise God! I walked down the aisle barefooted in a fairytale dress my mother made, in the spring by a lake outside. That will be 8 years ago this May... 8 wonderful blessed years!
We decided not to have children for a while at first. Then we decided due to the awfulness of the world we would not have children at all.
Then in January of 2006 I found out I was pregnant. And so on September 17th, 2006, a beautiful baby girl was miraculously born to two people who should not have survived from their own births and did not plan to have children at all.
In July of 2007 I had a miscarriage. It was a very dark time in my life. God sent me the support I needed to be able to finally greive and heal. And in November I conceived our dear Bug! The pregnancy was full of scares, so many times I thought something bad was happening, but it did not and he was born in August of 2008.
1 week before the birth of little Buggie, was the culmination of another miracle. The purchase of our first house!
So here I am, in a miracle house, living a miracle life with a miracle of a husband two miracle children. (And probably a miracle computer since it's tried to croak on me about 100 times already and somehow keeps hanging on.) I sometimes get discouraged, sometimes I despair. It's so hard to see the sun (Son) when you're in the dark valleys, isn't it? But He keeps bringing me up the mountains to see the beautiful view of the tapestry of my family's lives. If I just hang on a little longer through the valley, there's the mountain on the other side and at the top is the overwhelming peace of His presence. At the top, I can see the miracles behind me, a trail of them, like a patchwork ribbon of joys and sorrows, beautiful contrasts that I can only understand afterward- some on the mountains and some not until Mt. Zion.
~
Praise be to God on High! You oh Lord have faithfully brought me through the trials, even when I have drug my feet and resented You! Even when I have doubted! You have been ever patient with me and I thank you Lord from the depths of my soul! I want to be useable by You as You have used others to help me on my journey! Please use me, flawed though I am. Use me to show others Your amazing love and faithfulness to those who love You! Amen!
~
Sunday, September 13, 2009
May they sing of the ways of the Lord
(not my photo)
How precious to me are Your thoughts oh God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake, I am still with You.
-Psalm 139:17&18
Search me, oh God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the Way everlasting!
-Psalm 139:23&24
May all the kings of the earth praise You, oh Lord, when they hear the words of Your mouth.
May they sing of the ways of the Lord, for the glory of the Lord is great!
-Psalm 138:4&5
Monday, August 31, 2009
Monday Update on Mom's trip
Well my mom arrived safely home from her healing seminar on Sunday. I have not talked to her by telephone yet but she said her right shoulder is not hurting anymore. That's a good sign. She stopped off at her dad's grave on her way home. He just died July 1st. :( She said she left him some chocolate and had a good cry. It makes me want to cry, thinking about her crying, thinking about her missing her dad, and thinking about how I miss PopPop too. The last time I ever saw him he didn't even know me.
If you feel led to pray for my mom, Thank you! And a special thanks to my wonderful friends who have her on their prayer lists! :)
And if you're feeling all depressed now, just so your trip to my blog isn't a total downer today, scroll up and read my Next post which has SUPER AWESOME news in it! It's a very up sort of post in contrast to this one. Oh and more upbeat things to come soon!
If you feel led to pray for my mom, Thank you! And a special thanks to my wonderful friends who have her on their prayer lists! :)
And if you're feeling all depressed now, just so your trip to my blog isn't a total downer today, scroll up and read my Next post which has SUPER AWESOME news in it! It's a very up sort of post in contrast to this one. Oh and more upbeat things to come soon!
Saturday, August 29, 2009
My Mom
I'm not sure how to talk about this so bear with me. I'm using the blog as therapy today and all things considered I just hope I make some semblance of sense.
My dear mom ("Grammie" to the little ones) has breast cancer. She's been fighting it for about 8 years now. She first found a lump in her right breast which kept growing so she had a lumpectomy. It did not get all the cancer- they said it had already spread to her lymph nodes. Eventually the cancer ate the right breast off, leaving a mass of scar tissue in her chest where it used to be. She and my dad have not gotten along in years, plus my mom took care of my then-single sister's son during the day for the first 3.5 years of his life (he's almost 5), and running the farm so she has had soo much to worry about! It would take me hours to write all that has happened so I'm going to try to just summarize it so I can get to this weekend...
Mom tried everything. She had a friend who was also fighting breast cancer and they supported each other. The friend died. The friend's husband decided to pay for my mom's treatment as long as he could afford to in memory of his wife. Thanks to this man, my mom was going to a special clinic in Mexico that had good success with cancers. They tried a dozen different things on her. At one point they had her tested in California and her lymph nodes came back NEGATIVE! In fact, the only part of her body that tested positive for cancer cells was her right breast (what was left of it). It seemed like a miracle! Then she was unable to go back to Mexico for a while for treatments due to the money running out. After the friend's husband was able to afford it again, she started going back. Mom didn't say it felt like it was going away anymore... in fact she would just say "I don't know. I'm so tired I just don't know."
More recently the cancer has left nothing of her right breast and is eating at her chest from her armpit down almost to her bellybutton.
3 weeks ago Mom found a lump in her LEFT breast. 2 weeks ago she found a growth in her abdomen.
Yesterday and today she is at a seminar on healing. And I am praying. I am praying like I have never prayed before that my mom will be healed this weekend! She is such a strong woman and she's been fighting so long! She loves Jesus! Her 4th grandchild is due to be born TODAY - my sister's child. My dad and her are just beginning to work things out finally after all these years of being resentful strangers in the same house. She has SO MUCH to live for!
Dear God, PLEASE heal my mom from this cancer! So many are praying for her, asking for her healing! I don't know how to pray this time, You know my heart God! I don't know what to say, how to ask... just... Please heal her! In Jesus' name, AMEN!
My dear mom ("Grammie" to the little ones) has breast cancer. She's been fighting it for about 8 years now. She first found a lump in her right breast which kept growing so she had a lumpectomy. It did not get all the cancer- they said it had already spread to her lymph nodes. Eventually the cancer ate the right breast off, leaving a mass of scar tissue in her chest where it used to be. She and my dad have not gotten along in years, plus my mom took care of my then-single sister's son during the day for the first 3.5 years of his life (he's almost 5), and running the farm so she has had soo much to worry about! It would take me hours to write all that has happened so I'm going to try to just summarize it so I can get to this weekend...
Mom tried everything. She had a friend who was also fighting breast cancer and they supported each other. The friend died. The friend's husband decided to pay for my mom's treatment as long as he could afford to in memory of his wife. Thanks to this man, my mom was going to a special clinic in Mexico that had good success with cancers. They tried a dozen different things on her. At one point they had her tested in California and her lymph nodes came back NEGATIVE! In fact, the only part of her body that tested positive for cancer cells was her right breast (what was left of it). It seemed like a miracle! Then she was unable to go back to Mexico for a while for treatments due to the money running out. After the friend's husband was able to afford it again, she started going back. Mom didn't say it felt like it was going away anymore... in fact she would just say "I don't know. I'm so tired I just don't know."
More recently the cancer has left nothing of her right breast and is eating at her chest from her armpit down almost to her bellybutton.
3 weeks ago Mom found a lump in her LEFT breast. 2 weeks ago she found a growth in her abdomen.
Yesterday and today she is at a seminar on healing. And I am praying. I am praying like I have never prayed before that my mom will be healed this weekend! She is such a strong woman and she's been fighting so long! She loves Jesus! Her 4th grandchild is due to be born TODAY - my sister's child. My dad and her are just beginning to work things out finally after all these years of being resentful strangers in the same house. She has SO MUCH to live for!
Dear God, PLEASE heal my mom from this cancer! So many are praying for her, asking for her healing! I don't know how to pray this time, You know my heart God! I don't know what to say, how to ask... just... Please heal her! In Jesus' name, AMEN!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)